Best Valentine's Day Ever

Friends, a lot has happened since Emery's 1st Birthday post! Let me share:

Emery had a super birthday party! She is still standing with support and cruising.

I finally got a picture of her "scrunchy" face! And, she got the cutest

matching doll!!

 She decided table food finally sounded good around 13 months. 

So, she finally enjoyed some birthday cake!

It's hard to believe this curious little toddler (who can't toddle yet) just turned 1! I received a call from our agency on Emery's birthday letting us know that her birthmother had called to tell Emery "Happy Birthday!" I can't begin to describe how that call fill my heart with joy and sadness. Joy came from knowing she cares so very much for Emery. Sadness came from knowing some of how life has been for her this past year. Will you join me in praying for Emery's birthmother? Will you pray for her biological brother too (he's 2.5)? 

I was listening to Kristian Stanfill's "One Thing Remains" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TItyYhfwClM) today. Here is the chorus- "Your love never fails. It never fails. It never gives up. It never runs out on me." I'll never get tired of hearing that God's love goes on and on. There are so many days where I really mess up. I just say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don't listen well enough when people talk. I get frustrated at my kids. I get impatient in traffic. I judge people-for what they say, do, or wear-in my thoughts. I think my ideas are without fault. Have you been there before, in a place so utterly aware of your own sin and weaknesses?  If you say 'no', you may want to check your heart.

"Because of the Lord's faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Great is His faithfulness! From the very beginning, God has displayed his grace and mercy multiple times to a people who did not deserve it...a people He called His own people. I, too, am like those Israelites. As much as I want to say 'I've learned', I continually spiral (not cycle) through a learning process of becoming more like Christ. It is uncomfortable and painful. It's humbling....oh, the humility. And, then you have to ask, "What's next? Where do I go from here?" My challenge to others is always to fix their eyes on the Author and Perfecter of their faith. So, today I do just that. I surrender all I have and all that I am to God. I raise my white flag (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1jgD69WzMY)! I do so love the times where my sin comes to light before the Lord. It's refreshing. It provides focus. It's like a weight is lifted and you say, "Oh, that's it! Aha!"

Have you raised your white flag and surrendered all of yourself before a holy God today? 

His love NEVER fails...even when we fall so very short! 

And, that makes the best Valentine's Day ever!

Emery's 1st Birthday!

It's hard to believe that our sweet Emery turned one on December 20th! Emery is a daily reminder to me of God's love...His never ending, full of mercy and grace, completely satisfying love. Let's start the year in rewind (in picture form...or you can just read back through this blog for all the details):

After being told to leave for Christmas, we received a call as we were driving through Dallas on the morning of December 20, 2011 that our sweet Emery Leyton was born. We drove Austyn and Bennett up to Oklahoma to stay with the grandparents, and then drove through the entire gigantic state of Texas all the way to Galveston to meet Emery. This is when we first met Emery!

First picture with our 3 beautiful kids!

First picture with mommy, daddy, and Emery!

Emery had really bad jaundice when she was born. She had to lay under the phototherapy lights around the clock for 5 days before she could leave the hospital. Due to some issues, we could only go see her in the hospital when an agency representative was with us. So, we only saw her a couple of hours each day until she was released from the hospital on December 25, 2011. Emery was our wonderful Christmas present last year!

Itty bitty...it took 17 days to return home from when Emery was born 

(thanks to being born during a major holidays).

Look at that teeny baby. I forget how small she was. I also forgot she was born throwing gang signs...hmmm...

Rocking out the jogging stroller

One of Emery's first smiles

4 month pic with the big sis and big bro

 How do you tell the big sister that her little sister will soon outgrow her

....even though there is a 5 year age gap?

Emery at 5 months

6 months

We travelled to Houston to finalized Emery's adoption in June 2012. She was 6 months old. This court hearing officially made Emery a member of our family! The day before this, we had the privilege of finally getting to meet Emery's birth mother and brother. I cannot put into words via the internet how much that meeting impacted our lives. Out of respect for her, we have chosen not to to publicize their pictures (just in case you have been wondering if I was going to post those pictures). I can tell you that having the opportunity to hear her life story grew a deep love for her inside our hearts. We still mail her pictures and letters (although we are no longer required to) every 2 months(ish).

Someone is happy about 98% of the time. This is that other 2%.

This girl cannot be contained. When she starts to walk, oh my, we will have our hands full!

But doesn't that face look so innocent. She has a fantastic smile. I think she's gonna be a goofy girl.

Except for when her winter coat attacks her and tackles her to the ground.

Definitely a goofer when she crawls into the diaper box all by herself.....

or while doing some naked, baby yoga.

With a full year behind us, Owen and I find ourselves blessed beyond measure. We have 3 wonderful children, who keep us on our toes. 

Our sweet Emery has enlarged our hearts in ways we didn't know we needed. We look forward to how God may grow our family in the coming years (once again) through the gift of adoption! Please continue to pray for us as we seek discernment on the details. 

Is your family possibly being led to pursue adoption? There will never be a time when you have all the money needed to raise a child. There will never be a time that everyone is in just the perfect place in life. Sometimes, you have to walk forward in faith, realizing that your gaze cannot be set on yourself. It can be overwhelming and frightening. Change your perspective for a moment--- there is a birth family or a child who has already been orphaned somewhere who may also be feeling overwhelmed and frightened. "We love because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19). Might you and your family be able to love one more child, two more children, or maybe more?  

Please watch this beautiful video- http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2012/12/20/the-joy-and-gravity-of-adoption/. 

The Day I Never Dreamed of.....

There are days that some people dream about: graduations, marrying that amazing person, getting the most interesting job ever, traveling the globe, having children, world peace, or eating delicious cheese. I'm pretty much like most people in what I've dreamed about as far as broad categories goes. When it comes to specifics, that's where we get to witness uniqueness at its best. 

The list above is my overgeneralized wish list for society at large...including the cheese. There are still plenty of things on my "dream" wish list I would love to see happen one day, but I'm not so sure some of those things will ever come to pass. Let me explain. Ever since God began transforming my life at the age of 12, my dreams and ideals have continually been replaced with new dreams and plans. This is a never ending process 18 years later. If you would have told me at 12 that I would have 3 kids one day, I would have laughed in your face. If you would have told me at 12 that I would have a Masters degree accumulating dust while I homeschool my kids one day, I would have thought you (and I) were crazy. If you would have told me at 12 that my hubs and I would one day buy one of these,

A MINIVAN,

so that we could continue to care for the fatherless, I think I might have passed out.

Two weeks ago, the day I never dreamed of, owning a new-to-us minivan, came to pass. The hubs traveled a few states over to buy an 06 Odyssey. Every minute of the trip was touch and go as to whether or not this would all really happen. In the end, our family was blessed with a larger vehicle so that we can bless others. And, bonus, we were able to give away the hub's car (that was given to us 8 years ago) to a friend in town in need of some transportation. People may laugh that driving a minivan been a transition for me, but it has been. I never wanted to drive a minivan. One of my dreams was being replaced with His. And, I'm really excited about that. So, the next time you see me, tell me I look pretty awesome in my new ride. I'll take all the encouragement I can get :). 

And, now, we wait and see how God is going to grow our family! There are a couple of ideas we are praying through right now, but we are just waiting for God's direction and perfect timing. Please join us in prayer! We would greatly appreciate it!!

Stuff People Say to Transracial & Adoptive Families

A few days ago, I watched this video from Kristin at Rage Against the Minivan. I couldn't stop laughing! You know why? I have been asked almost all of these questions, heard almost all of these statements, and wanted to punch a few people along the way who don't get it or don't think before speaking. Did I mention sweet baby is only 10 months old? The comments and questions will only increase in the years to come, and I know it.

For example, we were at a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. When we sat down in the waiting room, we (me and 2 of the kids) were the only people lacking pigmentation. The ladies ooooed and aahhhhed over Emery. This is when the questions usually start. One lady quips, "Girl, what she be?" In my head, I thought I should say "She be a human." But, then I thought that may not be the best response. So, asked, "What do you mean?" The woman said, "I can tell she mixed. What is she?" Really?!? Hmmmm, how should I respond? I know what she is looking for with her question, but it's not like I could ever ask that question to a woman of color about her baby and not: 1. get assaulted or 2. get called a "special" name.

 Let's hit one example mentioned in the video- her hair. Comments made about her hair....well, again, people just need to think before they speak. When people comment comparing her hair to an afro or a Jerry Curl, it literally takes the Holy Spirit for me to not get aggressive. First off, my baby is biracial. She'll never have either hair type. Google both, look a pic of my kid, then do the math. Secondly, most people who make these statements are white. Please save yourself some front teeth by learning to speak about people from other races and ethnicities with grace and love. Third, I don't rub your white kid's head like it's a magic crystal ball. Please don't rub her head, really, don't! Please help me to speak loving & encouraging words to you. Really, please.help.me!

You want one more example. Oh, why not! I have had numerous people ask about Emery's birth parents. Assumptions are usually made that are just plain wrong. You need to know that not every birth parent is a teenager nor are they strung out on drugs. And, if even if they were, are these people not worthy of respect and the love of Christ- just.like.you?  Questions are asked that are just down right painful. "Do you really love her?" "Why didn't they want her?" "Where are they now?" Again, it literally takes the Holy Spirit for me to not get aggressive when people ask these questions. Emery will learn her story one day. She will be the one who chooses what she wants to share with the world. We greatly love Emery's birth mom because she blessed us with such a wonderful gift- Emery. Why in the world do you need to know such personal information? If I know you well, then maybe we'll talk about this. If I don't, ask yourself why you need to know this information.

One last thing I NEED to say: Never ask me any of these questions in front of my children. Never. Never.Never. Emery may be a baby, but I have an almost 4&6 year old who hear really well. Your questions affect them more than you will ever know. I have already had to do damage control plenty of times. You need to know this, because you as adult may contribute to an adoptive family having to do damage control one day no thanks to your careless words. Think before you speak. By all means, pray about your motives before you ask your questions. If you ask questions in the right way and at the right time and to the right person, then you will be much more likely to have a good, encouraging conversation with an adoptive family.

Ephesians 4:29- "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

8th Anniversary & an update

Yesterday was our 8th anniversary! Last night, I was recounting what our wedding was like all those years ago- those funny moments especially. We look so young, so ready to start a journey together. And, what a journey we have had the past 8 years. Here's a super quick recap of the past 8 years. We have:

-moved 9 times

-lived in 6 cities

-evacuated from 3 hurricanes (2 of those were with children, yikes!)

-lost everything but our cars in Hurricane Katrina 

-both gotten our Master degrees from NOBTS

-helped start a church multi-site campus

-Owen entered the PhD program

-grew our family with 3 kids (2 bio and 1 through the blessing of adoption)

-I started some jobs I never imagined: a photography business, a stay at home mom, and homeschooling 

-Owen just past his orals exam last week (see picture below). He is now "ABD"- all but dissertation!!

All the stuff I listed above is just numbers. It's great, but it's not amazing! You could not really know me at all and eventually find out most of that stuff. Let me tell you what is amazing: God has transformed our lives, destroyed any hopes we had for the American dream, and given us a new worldview and dream with Him at the center of it all!

"Whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

We are a work in process....clay in the hands of the loving Potter. Oswald Chambers said, "God can never make us wine if we object to the fingers He uses to crush us with. If God would only use His own fingers, and make me broken bread and poured-out wine in a special way! But when He uses someone whom we dislike, or some set of circumstances to which we said we would never submit, and makes those the crushers, we object. We must never choose the scene of our own martyrdom. If ever we are going to be made into wine, we will have to be crushed; you cannot drink grapes. Grapes become wine only when they have been squeezed."

There are many things the past 8 years that have squeezed us to make us more like Christ. Some "crushers" are private and no one even has a clue while other "crushers" are so public that I would even dare to put it on a blog....for you to read. It is the blending of these private and public moments that slowly but surely is shaping us to be more and more like Jesus. One of the latest ways we have been pressed was with learning Emery's birth mom has a miscarriage while about 6 months pregnant. God grew our hearts for another child. God grew such love for Emery's birth mom and brother in our hearts. And, then, with a phone call, time just kind of stood still last month. We were able to collect notes of encouragement to mail to her...to let her know she is loved, and prayed for, and not alone! For our family, I think we are doing really well. Yet, there are still times when I look in my sweet baby's face and wonder what that baby would have looked like. I'm sure Emery's birth mom wonders the same thing.

Adoption- it connects complete strangers through the power of the gospel physically displayed, and it is beautiful even in the hardest of times!

So, all that said, what's next on this crazy journey of faith? That, my friends and perfect strangers, is a great question!

A Tree Planted by the Water

People have been asking me for updates over the course of the past month since I posted last. I wish I had some news to give, but we didn't know anything new. We were in a state of limbo- knowing Emery's birthmom wanted us to adopt this yet to be born sibling and not having a contract yet with the agency. A place of waiting can be a confusing place. We really felt that God's peace was with us though, whatever was to happen.

Last night, we received a call from the agency that Emery's birthmom had a miscarriage and lost the baby. She would have been almost 6 months pregnant. We are obviously surprised and saddened by this news. I think we are in a state of shock today really. We were beginning to slowly allow ourselves to prepare for being a family of 6. Our family may still grow sometime down the road via adoption, but it just won't be this coming January.

Above any of our feelings, our primary focus at this time is Emery's birthmom. She has walked through so much the past few years. She has experienced more pain the past few years than I have ever experienced. Our hearts are broken today for her. We aren't sure how we can love support her, but by golly we are going to try!

Which brings me to you- how can you help? You can pray for Emery's birthmom. You can write a loving note to Emery's birthmom that we can send on to her (Yes, I will read and approve these). You can be the body of Christ to her! The Nease family will be fine. We have an eternal hope. We have the love and support of fellow believers on a daily basis. We know God is directing all of our steps. Emery's birthmom needs us now more than ever! You can email me a note for her at: amandanease at gmail dot com or you can give me one in person. Your kids can draw a picture...you can too :) . All that we ask is that you choose your words wisely and use great discernment. [For example, a bad choice would be writing lyrics from Laura Story's song on blessings coming through rain drops. A good choice would be saying you are so sorry for her loss and letting her know you are praying for her during this time. Let the phrase "when in doubt, leave it out" guide you.]

Thanks for walking through this crazy roller coaster of life with us. Living out a life of faith isn't easy, convenient, or comfortable.....but Jesus is worth it! Our hope and trust is in Christ alone! "Blessed is the person who trusts in the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

Second Mile

When I am most like myself, I am crafty. I spotted something similar to this on Pinterest. It was so simple to make (even my craft-challenged friends could do this)! I picked out some colors I liked, made a stencil for the letters, and enjoyed spending some time with my kids. My son's laughter while I painted his feet....it was priceless!!

Since this art is inspired by Micah 6:8, I thought I would sit to ponder what this verse looks like for me right now....mainly the last part....to walk humbly. I can remember praying in college for humility. Oh my, can I tell you can I laugh just thinking about that! It was an earnest prayer from a young woman, but oh how I have/am learning humility. I used to think I knew just about everything. I had opinions- strong opinions. Well, for those who know me well, you are wondering what's different :). Well, the strong opinions are still here, but I have walked through some life the past 10 years. One of the funniest things to me at 30 is realizing just how little I really do know. But, here are some things I do know:

Adoption moves our family to a humble place. We had a meeting yesterday with our social worker to update our homestudy so we can adopt Emery's yet-to-be-born sibling. Overall, the meeting went as well as can be expected. So many of our background checks and clearances don't have to be redone since we just did them in order to finalize Emery's adoption. And, then, it was time to update the financial section. Well, I'm not even sure how to say this other than sharing it was just uncomfortable. This woman who knows us fairly well for not "really" knowing us sat there looking at the numbers....thinking about us being a family of 6 soon. You could see the wheels turning. Without sharing specifics via the internet, I can say honestly that the numbers don't add up. We just finished paying for Emery's adoption last month. This adoption will include all of a lot of those adoption agency fees plus a bigger vehicle for 6 (unless someone gives us a bigger ride). People, we don't have that kind of cash. We just don't. And, I could see it in her face. And, it was uncomfortable and humbling.

Adoption moves our family to remember God's past faithfulness. As I saw those wheels turning, I remembered sitting at our kitchen table just over a year ago with the same social worker.....looking at those same wheels turning. While we could have ignored God calling our family to grow through adoption at that time, we walked forward in faith. To the glory of God, He provided a ridiculously large amount of money through our friends, strangers who heard about us, and through grants. (Insert shameless plug here for Show Hope, Gift of Adoption, and Katelyn's Fund---THANK YOU!!) I cannot forget what God has done! It's too amazing to forget!

Adoption moves our family to walk the second mile. We could have said 'no' to this opportunity (which we won't). We could have said '4 kids under 6 is a lot' (which it is). We could have said 'we can afford it' (which we can't). We could have said 'we don't have any extra room in our car' (which we don't). We could have said 'Amanda may go crazy' (which she may)....did I say that out loud?! We could have said plenty of things that would be perfectly logical or reasonable. One question though- where in the Bible does it say to do what is always logical or reasonable or financially sound? Thinking.......thinking.....still thinking....nope, I can't think of a place. Here what I can think of: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 & Luke 9:23. I was recently asked by someone "When does it stop?" All I can say to that is when God says stop. I feel unprepared, impatient, & overwhelmed. I'm not perfect by any stretch, but I am willing to obey....to serve....to give...until it hurts and is uncomfortable....and all because of Jesus! Are you willing?